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Whatever.

I love you and I'm attached to you...

What's the difference between love and attachment? I've been trying to answer this question for the past few months and I'm still having issues with it.  Trying to decipher the difference between being in love with someone and being attached to someone is pretty difficult.  I think that when there's an attachment to someone, you become used to their ways and having them around. You become so accustomed to them being around that it becomes extremely strange when something, or someone, changes things and now what once seemed normal and regular becomes foreign.

Take soap operas for instance... when a person who has played a particular character fur a while is suddenly changed, it takes time for the audience to get used to this new face. Same character, different actor. That adjustment period is filled with so much emotion...trust me, i know. When "Carly" on General Hospital was changed a fee years back, I was upset!! I immediately couldn't stand this "new Carly". I mean, who the hell is this person and where's MY "Carly"?! After a few months, I got used to this "new Carly" and continued loving my show.

While trying to find answers to my question about the difference between love and attachment, another question came to mind. Great...another question that I can't answer. What if the attachment is a part of the love...why would you separate that? It kinda makes sense...you are attached to something you love. Love...and attachment...go hand in hand. At least in my world they do.  I love you and I want to love you more... and more and I get used to loving you that I'm attached to loving you.

So, when things happen and get in the way of my love and attachment...it gets weird. Especially if there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Right now, I love. I love and I'm attached. I love, I'm attached, and unfortunately it's now become weird because something, or someone, is in the way.  What sucks more than me not being able to do anything about it is the fact that the recipient of my love and attachment... loves and is attached to something, or someone, else... and I have no choice but to eat it.

Although it's been this way for quite some time, I'm now being forced to relinquish this attachment. This is now where I need to figure out how to separate the love from the attachment.  It's hard because he's become a part of me.  It's like being forced to remove my epidermis. Lol, I'm a nursing school student...lol. That first layer of skin is there to protect you from all sorts of yucky shit. Without it, you're guaranteed to catch the infection of a lifetime. With treatments, skin grafts, and possible therapy...you can recover.  But that process... I can imagine would be a Bitch!

Slowly, I'm letting go. The love will always be there...but I have no choice but to let go. Painful, much? Yes. Will I recover? Yes. I will recover...and will love again. This time, I'm making sure that this new love and attachment will be all mine and nothing, or no one, will be able to change that.