Lord, can you hear me?

As much as I try to see the brighter side of things and situations going on around me, sometimes I can't help but to feel really helpless. Helpless, vulnerable, lonely, insufficient, and unsatisfied. That's a lot. "Give it to God and He'll handle it"... "Cast your burdens on the Lord"... "Let go and let God"... those all sound good and I do believe that "God can and He will"... but sometimes, there's just that feeling of hopelessness that creeps up and grabs hold of me. Although it may only last a few moments, I can still acknowledge the feeling. I know life is way more about the things I want to do and see. Life doesn't revolve around me and my simple needs and wants. So much is going in the world even as I type this. The world revolves. It rains. It snows. The wind blows. Global warming is in effect. Animals are becoming extinct. Volcanoes are active. Diseases are mutating. Powers and principalities. Government. Famine. Persecution. Refugees. Drones. Life. Death. It's all on-going. Every day and night, something bigger than me is happening in the world. Thinking about all of the the things going on everywhere in the world right now temporarily shifts my focus away from what's going on (and what's not going on) in my life. So, as I briefly told you a blog or two ago... I have relocated to the Sunshine State. The City Beautiful. Orlando, Florida. It's about to be two months since my move and I can honestly say... I'M RESTLESS. I'm grateful to God for giving me the strength to JUMP out of my comfort zone (as uncomfortable as it was) to a new environment and new experience but I already want more. It seems like I'm praying and practically begging for God to help me get to a place in my life that shouldn't be such a struggle to get to. Who doesn't want to have their own home or car? Their own way of providing for their families? Their independence? WHO DOESN'T WANT THAT? And why is i that I can't have it yet? I've done practically everything that I know to do and yet, can't experience the independence that others take for granted. And it's not even that I want to be independent from God. I just want to live a happy and successful life. I'm grateful for having this outlet. You don't want to bombard people with your problems when they have problems of their own.I'll just continue to pray and seek encouragement. I'll do my best to remain in a positive mood and be careful to not allow negative vibes to change my mood. I didn't relocate to Florida in vain. I didn't move away from familiarity and comfort because I had nothing better to do. I moved for a different experience, a new life, and freedom. God sees my heart and knows my desires. I take comfort in knowing that He has placed the desire to want more into my heart. I won't be satisfied until the life I see in my thoughts become a reality. And I know that I can't even begin to imagine the greatness the the Lord has for my life but with the limited imagination that I do have, I imagine so much more that what is at the moment. Let's go, Lord. I'm ready for my desires to be fulfilled!

Welcome to Orlandoooooo

Ok, so we moved to Orlando, Florida two weeks ago. Yeah, big move. I can't really write about the experience right now but a new blog will come soon. Right now, my cousin Wesley and I are on our way to get this paperwork done. Jordan and I are about to become official residents of Florida.  We'll be New Yorkers for life, tho. For life!
Thank you, Lord, for guiding us through this process. Thank you for the strength and courage to leap this way. You know my heart and my intentions. You know everything, You see it all. This is a new beginning, Lord. In asking that You remain by our side and pour out Your grace on us. Grace, mercy, and favor for Jordan and me today and everyday.
Thank you Lord!
Amen

Happy Mother's Day

For me, Mother's Day is just like any other holiday. I make a few calls, reply to mass texts, read everyone's posts on Facebook, and I chill. This Mother's Day wasn't any different. I noticed a lot of people went all out yesterday for the mothers in their lives. How nice, lol. I'm not hating. Ok, I am hating. Just a little bit. Just enough to write about it. I miss my mom and I miss celebrating her. And no one fusses over me on Mother's Day. It doesn't feel special for me. Yeah, I get a few texts and balloons from my little one... but that's just it. So, I just chill at home... bored... and scroll through Facebook and live through everyone else. Maybe next year I'll go away for Mother's Day. My son and I can spend the weekend somewhere we've never been and just enjoy each other. Don't mind me... I'm just a little... blah.

11

Job Andre
12/08/79 - 04/23/2004

You died in my arms in front of our friends and family 11 years ago today. I haven't mentioned what today is to anyone who was there that day. I'm sure they've moved on with their lives. Not that you weren't a significant part of their lives, but unfortunately... life goes on. I don't know if anyone relives the events that took place that day, but I do. Not just on an anniversary.  It happens often. Sigh. I can't help but wonder what life would be like had you lived.
A part of my heart belongs to you forever. The rest of my heart has taken quite a beating.  It's been tough but it's ok. I believe that God is merciful... He'll allow my heart to be completely healed in the hands of a man who is after His heart, like you were.

I love and miss you.

Thank you for loving me and thank you for everything.

Chachou

Love?

Single people. Single people who no longer want to be single. . . I have a few questions for you.   What do you want? Is it love, companionship, financial security, your ego stroked? What is it? And why is it so hard to find? Do you really, really know what it is you want and need? Or is what you want limited to someone's physical attributes? I mean seriously, how long will you settle for something that isn't what you want? Why endure the misery of settling? Are you dating just to date? Just to have something to do? Is the picture you paint of yourself on dates different from the picture you see in the mirror when you're at home, alone? What are you masking? What are you covering up? What void are you filling temporarily? What do you expect?
Single people. . . Do you know, I mean really know what you want and need? I mean, everyone wants the basic generic qualities. . . But what else do you want from someone? What can you live without? What won't you tolerate? What do you deserve? How do you know what it is you deserve? Have you ever had what you deserved?  Are you shallow? Are you materialistic?

Just a few questions I gave this morning. I'm single, so I'll be answering them as well.

In my thoughts.

Happy Valentine's Day

Lovers all over the world right now are out on dates having dinner, at a show, shopping, taking selfies, getting engaged, getting married, watching movies, loving, cuddling,  or sleeping with each other. Balloons, flowers, jewelry, clothing. . . gifts of love and passion were brought this week. People are kissing, holding hands, hugging... showing other expressions of their love or infatuation for each other. Some really love each other. Some are just in it until someone better comes along. Some just want to have someone around.

Then there are the single people. The single ones forced to watch everyone share their love day experiences everywhere they go. The single ones who have to fight to ignore the fact that they aren't participating in any of these festivities. The single ones reminiscing on a time when they could share with their love with the world. The single ones are fantasizing about future valentine's days. The single ones hanging out with their friends. The single ones at home watching TV and scrolling FB.

Me? I'm home. I've been home all day. Listening to music, scrolling FB and IG. My hair is a mess and I'm craving crab legs.  I did some daydreaming about future valentine's days with a lover. I reminisced about my last celebrated valentine's day.  I spoke on the phone for a few hours with my cousin. Made nachos. Nothing really serious about my day.

Hopefully next valentine's day will be different. Hopefully it'll be how I daydreamed earlier today.  I would like that, a lot. Until then, happy valentine's day. Love is awesome!