Smh

I need to get my life.......

K. I. S. S. I. N. G.

Every once in a while I'll daydream.  My mind will drift away to a place where everything is right and it all feels good. Sometimes, these dreams will have me within the company of a man. My mood before the daydream determines who he is. Sometimes, it's "my Nate"... sometimes it's "Anthony" ... sometimes it's "Fitz". Regardless, it's always someone who I enjoy kissing. Although, I haven't had the pleasure of kissing "my Nate" yet, but our time will come.

I just slipped into one of my kissing daydreams and had to immediately snap out of it. Since I ain't kissing anyone tonight, I guess its back to my music and my mood.

What gives?

Now that I'm done with this first phase of nursing (claiming that I pass my nclex exam next month in Jesus'name)... I think I'll open myself up to meeting new people. New men. Yesterday, April 23rd... made it nine years since I've been officially single. I say officially because I haven't had a "significant other" label since that day. Yessssssss, I've been with two men in that time...but never been their official woman.  Nine years! To me, that's a bit...Um....interesting.

When Jay died nine years ago, I honestly didn't think that nine years would go by without me getting into another relationship. I honestly thought someone would scoop me up off my feet soon after.  Like, I thought that I was "that chick". You know, the one that a man wouldn't let get away. The one that a man would be proud to call his own. The one who would become a man's best friend and then his wife. Well, it never happened. What a blow to my ego, lol.

I'm a great catch. Even though my life hasn't been as fulfilling to me as I would want, but I'm one of those rare women regardless. I know my worth...although I've short-changed myself through the years. I've watched men that I liked who liked me back get with other women after me and either marry them or get into serious relationships. What the hell gives?

I'm still the same woman. I love hard, I'm caring, smart, thoughtful, considerate, funny, loving, sweet, loyal, trustworthy, sensitive, dependable, uplifting, safe, sexy, cool... I can cook, very well if I do say so myself... I have manners... People love me and love being around me... I'm a wonderful mother... like, what the hell else should I be in order for a man to want me and only me? I watch women who can't boil water be treated like queens...women who don't consider a man's feelings, won't cook, won't clean, won't support his life...these women have men in their lives. What gives?

I'm about to make this nursing career official. I've been told that as soon as it happens, men will be coming my way...but it doesn't seem fair. Ohhhhhhhh well... I guess we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I'll keep studying for my exam. What God has for me...it is for me. I just hope HE has a husband for me.

Weekend Love

I always feel the most single on the weekends. It's almost always the same routine: wake up, stay in bed for as long as I can before hunger tries to kill me, get up and take care of the morning routine (teeth, face, empty bladder...), then drag myself into the kitchen to figure out what's for breakfast. 

After having my breakfast, I get back into bed and check fb, twitter, instagram.....all of my fav social media sites. I'm pretty quiet around this time. Thoughts of wanting to wake up to a different scenario crowd my mind the most at this time.

I imagine slowly waking up in the arms of my "Nate"...whoever he is. We kinda wake up at the same time. He holds me a little tighter and I move my head up to kiss his neck. His manly giggle and tight squeeze let's me know that he's happy. My giggle when he moves down to kiss my neck let's him know that this is the perfect way to wake up. We could stay like this all day, lol. Small talk while he gently rubs my side with his finger tips and I rub his chest with my finger tips. Stealing kisses here and there, lots of giggling, more kissing, touching... Lol! I could go on with my fantasy...but this ain't that kind post, lol.

This morning my routine was the same. Stayed in bed until my stomach couldn't take it anymore. After washing up, I went into the kitchen. Wasn't as hungry as I was before but still looked for something to fix. Grabbed an orange and some apple sauce and that was breakfast. Started working on dinner. Got back into the bed and watched music videos. Seems like all these love songs are compilations of my love fantasies. Changed the channel, lol.

Sighhhhh. Can't wait for my morning routine fantasy to become my reality. I crave it more than I crave chocolate on those "special" days. I hope he's thinking about it too.

Soon, baby...soon.

March...

What can I say about March? Well, let's see... Jordan took his first plane ride and loved it. Unfortunately, it was ride to Florida to attend my cousin's funeral.
I fell in LOOOOOVE with Florida this month. I mean, I've been the before but something about this trip made me feel like I was the for more reasons than I thought. That's a topic for another post...soon tho, I promise.

Studying has begun for the nclex exam. I find myself doing questions, reading, and watching instructional videos every day.

I think March was the month that actually gave birth to a focus. March created goals. It brought with it a blueprint of my immediate future. That blueprint might be a rough draft since there's slats room for tweaking...but it's a blueprint none the less and I can finally say that the light att the end of this tunnel can finally be seen.
God is soooooo good and faithful. With HIM, everything falls into place.