Truth is. . .

. . . I'm just not ready.  As much as I feel I want it, I'm not ready.  The years I should've spent getting ready, I spent delaying my blessings.  Now, I'm in recovery mode.  Operation: Death to Comfort Zones and Operation: Get My Shit Together are presently underway.

I must say, this part of the process is pretty painful.  And I understand why.  Fuck around and remain complacent in life and you'll eventually realize how much of a fuck up you have been and will have to admit it to yourself.  It hurts like hell.  And to realize that you being a fuck up for so long has been tolerated by people around you. . . People who've gotten their shit together while you've just  watched . . . It's fucked up.

I'm not feeling myself right now.  I'm not feeling my situation and I'm not feeling where I've brought myself.  I'm still thankful to God for this, though. 
There's still time for repairs to be made and I'm all in.  This is going to have to be a "move in silence" project.  There's really nothing to say about it.  It stings like 1,000 bees in one spot, but it's necessary for my growth. 

Please give me the strength, Lord.  I don't want to quit and I don't want to miss out on anything else.  As much as it hurts, I still feel I need to thank you for the experience. 

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

REALality checks

Being in the wrong space and allowing the wrong people to occupy the most inner, most sacred places in your life will have a disastrous effect on your view of reality.   Not until you rid yourself of what's not good for you will you realize how bad you're being to yourself.  Time you can never get back will be wasted. 

We need to always keep in mind that we are constant work in progress.  Whenever we find ourselves not progressing either in our relationships, our educational goals, healthwise,  and even our physical appearance and demeanor. .. we need to take the time to be REAL with ourselves, analyze our surroundings, and make the necessary changes.  Some of the changes may be more painful than others, but absolutely necessary for us to continue our own progression. 

God has a way of setting us up, sometimes.  I believe He guides us even in our prayers.  How many times have you asked God to do something "by any means" but not really knowing how it was gonna happen?  And then you find yourself in a place where you have no choice but to make changes in your life. Changes you wouldn't have made on your own. Hmm.  I've come to realize that in order for something to happen, there are prerequisites that need to first take place.  Just like in college.  You want a degree in Business but have to take certain classes.  And it generally takes four years of actually going to school,  class taking, exams, assignments, and finals to take place FIRST before achieving that degree.  Same thing with life.  You have to do what toy need to do,  what it takes, to have what it is you want. If you're not REAL work yourself, you won't know what you want. Or even worse, you'll know what youwant, but won't have a clue as to what needs to be done.

I had a REALality check this week.  It was long overdue but very necessary for my advancement and progression.  My view of "reality"was distorted to the comfort zones I've created and allowed.  Today, in declaring DEATH TO ALL COMFORT ZONES AND AND END TO RELATIONSHIPS THAT CONDONE COMFORT ZONES IN MY LIFE.  My reality, as painful as it is, had never been more clearer and as unconfirmed as I feel about it I'm grateful to God for the opportunity to change it one step at a time.

I will get where I want to be and I will have what I want.  So, here's to those prerequisites.  When is all said and done, I'll hold my head up high and embrace my new REALality.