Well, I'm back... for now.

Whenever I take a long break from writing, shit starts to accumulate in my head to the point of overwhelming confusion. Like, I've had the writing itch for a few weeks but could never really figure out what I needed to write. There's SOOOOO much going on in my mind right now and it's got me in a bit of a funky mood.

Now that the holidays are here... I'm feeling pretty blah. It never fails. As much as I love the holidays, I'm always a bit melancholy around these times. And there are so many reasons as to why but the major reason is probably because I've never really celebrated the holidays the way mainstream society shows us that it should be. Like, I've never had a nicely decorated home with accorns and pumpkins... never had the cranberry sauce, the pumpkin pie, the whole turkey... it's never been that way for me. Never grew up having family over for the holidays, eating together, being thankful for one another. I was home, watching the parade and all day marathons of The Honeymooners, Charlie Brown, or some other oldie but goodie show.

As boring as that might sound, it don't think it bothered me much back then. My mom was always working. Sometimes, I'd just go to her job and hangout with her. Most of the time, I was home... alone, imagining celebrating the holidays the way they do on the commercials and tv shows. The way that my friends did. The way that my neighbors did. The way that my mother wanted to but couldn't. The way that I told her we'd have it when I got older and things got better. The way it has yet to happen.

I want to have my own holiday ritual. I want to cook for three days and have my family and friends over. I want my husband (one day) to make his world-famous whatever. I want my son to help with the baking. I want to take pictures, sing loud Boyz II Men songs, and just enjoy the moment. I want to make good memories... but this year, it'll me me and my son... watching Charlie Brown, maybe visiting my sister... making memories, I guess.